Clash of the Mammals
by Boolia
Summary: Perry and Dudley challenge each other over who's the better spy at the all-agent party at Princess Peach's castle. But when the villains crash the party, will the two mammals put aside their differences and save the day, and will Roger get his wine?
1. Part 1

Clash of the Mammals

Part 1

The penguins were in their base about to eat fish that Alice has thrown to them in their habitat when Skipper realized something. He looked around; there was Kowalski, himself, Rico, but where was Private?

"_Hang on men,"_ Skipper told his companions. "We can't eat yet. We're short by one soldier. Where's Private?" Skipper looked at Kowalski who was trying to hold back a hungry Rico.

"Don't know Skipper." Kowalski said. Skipper scratched his chin.

"_Hmmm_," He pondered out loud. "_Odd_. It's not like Private to miss dinner without telling us first." He headed for the exit. "Come on men; we're not eating without him." Kowalski was exhausted from holding Rico back. He was forced to let go.

"_WHOO-HOO!"_ Rico cheered, grabbing a fish from Private's plate. "_FISH_!" He was about to swallow it down.

_"Rico_!" Kowalski scolded him, flippers on hips. "We got to find Private first."

_"Aw man_!" Rico said disappointed. He put down the fish and walked towards his friends. They headed towards the exit again when Rico went back. He opened his mouth at the dead fish.

_"Rico_!" Kowalski shouted. _"Come on_, you can have _loads _of fish after we find Private." Rico moaned and followed them.

All of a sudden Private came down the ladder.

"_Private_!" Skipper said, then looked mad. "We were about to go search for you. Don't you _ever_ scare us like that again!"

"Sorry Skipper." The young penguin apologized. "I got held back." Skipper looked at the envelope in his flippers, then back at him.

"What you got there?" Skipper asked.

"We got a letter!"

"Well, don't just stand there! Open it up and let's see what it says."

"_Will do Skipper_!" And with that, he opened the envelope and pulled out a small metallic disk.

Suddenly, a holographic image of Toadsworth flashed up.

'_Whoa_!" Private observed, "_Fancy_!" The rest of the penguins looked at it over his shoulders.

"_Impressive_." Kowalski said. Rico whistled.

_"Wowie!"_

"_Guys_!" Skipper scolded. "We can admire the format later. Let's just see what the old Toad has to say." He looked at him.

"_Oh_, I'm afraid that's not an option." The holographic Toad spoke. "Because you see like all spy letters in spy shows/movies, this letter will self-destruct after I say what needs to be said." The penguins listened with interest.

"We heard about you and your admirable work during the debacle at Count Pichu's party several months back…"

"How'd _you_ hear about that?" Private asked, eyes widening. Toadsworth didn't answer, but addressed Skipper.

"Your team is invited to an all-agent party along with several others. You have all saved the world countless times, but have never gotten credit, due to the necessity of secrecy; our association wishes to remedy this grave injustice. We invite you to meet and greet with colleagues and be celebrated at last. The party's in two weeks in the Mushroom Kingdom at the Royal Castle; RVSP if you can't make it. This letter will self destruct in 5…"

"Can't we tell you now?" Private looked quizzical.

"No, 5, 4…"

_"Wait!"_ Private piped up.

"_What_?! Can't you see this letter is about to _explode_? Once it begins, I can't stop it."

"Just one thing. If you can have a card like this, then why didn't Count Pichu do it? I'm sure he had the money for it."

"He does." Toadsworth answered. "But you know how he is. He wanted to keep it all, not waste it on an invitation. Plus this is more agenty and cool. _Now_, can this card self-destruct or not?" Private smiled.

"Be our guest."

"All right then! This letter will self-destruct in 5, 4,…"

_ "Rico!"_ Skipper commanded. "Quick dispose of the evidence!"

Rico grabbed the disk, went up the ladder and flung it like frisbee. He threw it as hard as he could. He quickly ducked back in the habitat. A huge explosion rocked the zoo and echoed throughout the park. A few visitors 'oohed' and 'aahed', thinking it was a firework display.

In the distance a car crashed in the streets.

_"My car_!" A man's voice rang out as the car alarm kept honking.

"_Rico_?"" Skipper asked once Rico was all the way down. "Is the letter disposed?" Rico nodded.

"_Uh huh!"_

_ "_Why did they have the explosion so large, Skipper?" Private asked, uncovering his ear holes, "I thought this was supposed to be discreet,"

"Because that's just the way we do things, Private."

"_Wow_!" Klaus observed from his bowl when they all entered the castle's main hall, along with the Smiths, and Bullock; Roger carried the fish. "All the agent cartoons are here."

"Of course they are, fish." Roger told him. "This is an all-agent party; what do you expect?" Klaus looked around. There was Agent P, Monogram, Carl, The Tuff agents and the Chief and Keswick, Toadsworth, and of course the penguins.

"You know what agents aren't here?" Klaus asked. Roger looked at around and then back at the fish.

"I give up." He said, "Who?"

"Kim Possible and James Bond."

"Klaus, first of all, Kim Possible is not technically an agent, just a teenage-targeted crime fighter. Second of all, James Bond isn't a cartoon."

"Yeah, but it'd be _awesome_ if he was here."

_"True, _it would be awesome if we saw him. I would get his autograph, just think, I'd be the only alien in the world with James Bond's autograph, I'd be famous."

"You know there are different actors that play James Bond." Klaus explained to him. "Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore,"

"Okay Klaus, that's enough. You don't need to say anymore, _showoff!_" They all strolled to get some punch. Roger put Klaus' bowl on the cloth-covered table.

_"Oh my gosh!"_ Dudley said who was nearby with Kitty who both overheard. "James Bond is here?" He ran in excited circles around Kitty. "_Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!"_ He then stopped and looked at Kitty confused. "Who's James Bond?" Kitty sighed.

"He's a fictional well-known movie spy." She answered.

"_Oh boy_! I'm going to get his autograph!" Dudley was about to go when Kitty stopped him.

"He's _not_ here, Dudley!"

"Oh, _darn it_! I really wanted to meet him and maybe get some pointers from him. "

"Isn't this _exciting_, Agent P?" Monogram asked the monotreme. He, Monogram, Carl was at the punch table drinking punch. Perry looked at his boss, punch glass in hand, and chattered. He drank some more.

Francine distractedly picked up the punch spoon and scooped up some of Klaus' water. She was about to drink it.

"_Hey_!" Klaus snapped. "Don't you _DARE_ drink the wasser in mien bowl!"

"_EW Mom!"_ Hayley cried in disgust. "_Sick_! Klaus _poops_ and _pees _in there." Francine's eyes widened and she quickly dropped the water. Stan comforted his wife.

"_Hey!"_ Roger said. "Now this party is actually _going_ somewhere!"

Toadsworth approached the mike on a stage near the back of the hall. He picked it up and spoke into it.

"_Welcome!"_ He greeted. "I'm glad you could all attend this all-agent party honoring all your agents out there! With all your hard work and dedication, you help make your respective countries great! Give yourselves a hand!" Everyone clapped or made animal sounds. "Now, anyone who is not an agent or a family member or commanding officer of an agent, _GET OUT OF HERE_!" All the clapping died down and all looked at Toadsworth. "This party is strictly for agent cartoons only."

Several stragglers in the back grumbled and made their way towards the exit. Bowser, who'd surprisingly remained unnoticed, spoke up.  
>"Can I still kidnap the princess?"<p>

"Oh, I'm sorry, old boy, we're sort of having a function here, can we schedule you in for next week?"

"I suppose so," Bowser groaned and stomped out.

After an awkward silence Private raised a flipper. Toadsworth called on him.

"Why are you here then? You're not an agent."

"Good question. But I am the MC, the host of this party. Therefore, I have to be here. Now, any more questions?" Nobody raised his or her hand.

"_Nobody then_? _Okay_, enjoy the party!" The old Toad left the stage and moved into the crowd to mingle. Everyone resumed talking, drinking punch and eating snacks.

"So Chief," Major Monogram said to the flea, punch in hand. "How is T.U.F.F treating you?"

"All the agents there are great! Especially Agent Puppy and Agent Kitty. Agent Puppy might be a klutz at times, but thanks to Agent Kitty, they get the job done. They are incredible agents indeed." The flea drank his tiny cup of punch.

"Agent P is pretty good too." Monogram told him.

"Yeah, but not nearly as good as Agent Puppy and Agent Kitty." The Chief commented carelessly. Monogram raised his monobrow in shock and anger.

"What do you mean 'not nearly as good'? Agent P is as good an agent as any of yours." The Chief just shrugged and drank his drink.

"If you say so."

"The Chief's right, Agent P." Dudley said to Perry nearby. "I am an awesome agent. More awesome-er than you'll ever know." Perry glared at the puppy as he drank. "Well, I don't mean to brag, but it is true. I mean you are a mindless pet who doesn't do much." This made Perry even madder. He chattered angrily 'That's my _cover_, nitwit!', Dudley stared with a smug grin. "I'm just making you madder, aren't I? Well I guess we both came to a disagreement."

"_Dad_!" Hayley whined. "Can we go home now? There's nothing we can do! I promised Jeff we could go see a movie if this party is turns out to be lame."

"_Yeah_!" Steve added. "And I promised my friends we could play video games if this party was lame."

"_Sorry kids."_ Stan told them. "But I brought you here and 'I'm not going back until the party is done. Now, quit whining, be on your best behaviors, and go make some friends." Steve and Hayley groaned and went off.

"I can't believe this party doesn't have any wine!" Roger complained. "Where's my alcoholic beverage? I _want_ my _wine_!"

"_Chillax_ Roger," Klaus told him. "You just want wine so that you can get wasted. Every party doesn't have to have wine, you know. Just be glad for what it _does_ have. Heck, maybe this is a _good_ thing this party doesn't have any; you know what wine can do to you if you have too much of it."

"_Shut up, fish_! This place must have some wine, it's a _castle, gosh darn it_!" He went to search for some wine.

"Where are you going?" Private asked the alien spotting him slinking away towards a corridor. "You're going to miss the party!"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Oh, you know me, just curious."

"I'm just going to check if there's any wine down here."

"_Why_?"

"Because I want some wine, _okay_?"

"But there's _lots_ of beverages here you can have."

"No, I'd rather have wine. Now get out of my face, back off, and be cute or whatever it is you dumb kiddie cartoons do." Private gasped. The rest of the penguins waddled up to them.

"What's going on here, Private?" Skipper asked. Private looked at his boss and pointed his flipper at Roger.

"He's being mean to me, Skipper. He called me a dumb kiddie cartoon and told me to get out of his face and to back off."

"There, there Private. He's an adult cartoon. They're all mean like that, just don't get in his way and you're be fine."

"_Kid cartoons!"_ Roger huffed. He was about to go down the corridor, when Steve came by.

"_Roger!"_ He said, excited. Roger looked at him. "I think a fight is about to start between the beaver tail creature and the mutt."

"_Uh, _Steve," Roger pointed out to him. "You do know Perry's a platypus, don't you? I mean surely this isn't the first time you've seen one, right?"

"_Whatever!"_ Steve said. "Now, _come on!"_ He ran to where a crowd had just gathered. Roger sighed.

"I guess you're going to have to wait, wine." He then went to where the crowd was.

Sure enough, there was Perry and Dudley in the middle of the crowd, chattering and growling at each other.

"I'm a better agent than you, duck-billed creature." Perry chattered madly at the mutt. Monogram looked mad and stepped up to him.

_ "Excuse me_?!" He demanded. "But I believe Agent P here is the best agent I have." Dudley laughed in Monogram's face.

"I _doubt_ it!" He scoffed. "What makes you so sure he's the best?"

"Well, one, he's in the best agency, and two, he's more intelligent!" Dudley and the Chief gasped.

"You take that back!" Dudley snapped. "I am _too_ smarter than that…'uh…what is he?"

"A platypus."

"_Whatever_! The point is I am smarter then him." The Chief hopped up onto Dudley's nose.

"I'll take it from here Agent Puppy." He stated. The flea looked back at Major Monogram, mad.

"What do you mean your agency is better? T.U.F.F. agents work hard everyday. So it's obvious my agency is better."

"O.W.C.A agents work hard everyday too, well, most often Agent P, but O.W.C.A is the best."

_"T.U.F.F.! "_

_ "O.W.C.A.!"_

_ "T.U.F.F.!"_

_ "O.W.C.A!_" Kitty rolled her eyes.

"Oh chief, _please _don't go into this!" She moaned.

_"The N.P.G.L.B.C!"_ Private blurted out." The penguins eyed Private. Private laughed nervously. "You know the No Penguin Gets Left Behind Club. I made it up. Well, _come on_; we need a team name!"

_"Private!" _Skipper scolded. "_I_ decide what we call ourselves and it's not the 'No Penguin Gets Left Behind Club'" Private looked disappointed, and then raised his flipper as he got another idea. "Or the 'Smile and Wave Club', and certainly not, 'The Unicorns.'" Private looked disappointed again. Dudley put up his fists.

"_You wanna go, pal_?" He demanded. "_Huh? Do you_?" Perry chattered madly at him.

_"Fight, fight, fight_!" Klaus and Roger chanted together. Kitty rolled her eyes.

"You think an adult cartoon knows any better!" She moaned. Toadsworth went between the two mammals.

_ "Now, now, now_," He told them. "Let all be mature about this. No violence, here, come on, let's all sing the Barney song." He cleared his throat and began to sing way off key.

_"I love you_!" He sang.

"_Oh gosh!"_ Klaus groaned. "Why does the author always choose _this_ preschool song? Why couldn't it have been the '_So Happy Together'_ song?" Toadsworth continued singing.

"_You love me, we're a happy family, with a…_" The platypus and the mutt started brawling. Toadsworth stopped his song and tried to break up the fight.

"Come on, _break it up!"_ He said. "That's enough. Let us all be friends here." Kitty sighed, and then climbed on stage. She took the mike and shouted as loud as she could.

_"STOP BRAWLING LIKE ANIMALS!_!" Dudley and Perry stopped. They still glared at each other, growling and chattering. Keswick looked at Kitty.

"But they are animals." He told her, pushing up his glasses. _"Derr_… So they got to brawl like a-a-animals." Kitty looked annoyed.

"I'm better than you _lamemapus_!" Dudley said to Perry. "I can talk!" Everyone gasped.

"You shouldn't have said that!" Kowalski said. The dog and monotreme were about to go at it again when Toadsworth stopped them.

"Can't this be solved without fighting?" He asked. Perry and Dudley stopped and looked at each other. Toadsworth smiled.

"That's right," He said. "Make up you two."

But instead of making up, Dudley clapped his paws together.

"Hey I know!" He said. He pointed at Perry.

"Let's have a tournament! Five events, whoever wins the most game wins and is the best agent cartoon. Whoever loses, well, loses, and is considered to be a loser!" He folded his arms across his chest. "Deal?" The platypus chatted as if to say 'you're on!'

"Okay, that settles that!" The Chief said. "Dudley vs. Perry to see who is the better agent! I placed my bets that Agent Puppy will win."

_"Dream on_!" Monogram argued with the flea. "It'll be Agent P who'll win."

"Agent Puppy will win!"

_"Agent P!"_

_ "Agent Puppy!"_

_ "AGENT P!"_

_ "AGENT PUPPY_!"

"_Okay_!" Toadsworth said, speaking over Monogram and the Chief's argument. "Let the games begin!"

Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Norm, Dr. Blowhole, the Chameleon, Zippy, and Bird Brain had all gathered in D.O.O.M headquarters, hosted by Snaptrap. The villains were mingling among themselves. Snaptrap went on stage and spoke into the mike.

"Greetings villains of agent cartoons!" The rat greeted. The villains quieted down. "Now thanks to a little birdie, Dippy…"

"_Zippy_!" Bird Brain corrected. Snaptrap looked annoyed. Zippy smiled.

"Yeah, Zippy, anyhow, I'm sure you are all aware that the good agent cartoons are throwing a party at Princess Peach's castle and we are very upset that they didn't invite us villains, am I right?"

All the villains agreed.

"We're _part_ of their show." Doofenshmirtz said. "And they didn't invite the very people or animals that makes their lives _miserable_? What's up with that? And poor American Dad doesn't have any villains in their show. Well, they do have some "realistic" villains, but I mean, _really, _no _recurring_ villains with crazy schemes to foil_;_ they don't know what they're missing! Everyone knows the best parts of shows are the bad guys! I mean, _come on_! We make the shows entertaining!"

"I agree!" Blowhole added, floating on his hover-scooter. "Villains do tend to liven up the shows!" He cackled in his insane, dolphin way.

"Why don't we crash the party?" The Chameleon suggested.

_"Yeah_!" Doofenshmirtz agreed. "I _love_ it! Perry the Platypus will be surprised to see me there! We can kidnap all the agents, and they won't be able to stop us from doing evil!" He laughed evilly.

"I have a better idea!" Norm spoke. The villains looked at him. "Why don't we all be friends?"

"He does know we're all evil here, right?" Bird Brain asked Doofenshmirtz.

"Norm and I are still working on the 'we're evil' concept." Doofenshmirtz admitted, embarrassed.

_"Okay!_" Snaptrap said. "Here's the plan." All the villains gathered in a circle as Snaptrap told them the entire plan

"Oh, that is _diabolical!_" Blowhole commented when done. "_I like it_!"

"Perry the Platypus won't know what's _coming!"_ Dr. Doofenshmirtz said. "The cast of American Dad will be _begging _for a recurring super-villain on their show after this!"

"And with my chameleon capabilities," The Chameleon said. "I can camouflage and when the moment's right, I can just grab them and watch them scream!"

"_Okay_," Snaptrap told them. "Lets go crash that party!"

"_YEAH_!" The villains cheered. All of them then marched out of D.O.O.M headquarters, all of them, except Norm, laughed their evil laughs in a cacophony of maniacal madness.


	2. Part 2

Part 2

"_The first event,_" Toadsworth spoke. "is a quiz." Dudley and Perry were in front of buzzer machines. "I'll ask each of you a question and if you know the answer, buzz your buzzer and tell me. If you don't know the answer or can't answer within the time limit of 30 seconds after you've buzzed, your opponent may speak. One question is worth a point and if no one answers correctly, no one gets a point. Remember, once you buzz your buzzer, tell me your answer right away, so think of the answer before you buzz the buzzer, got it?" Both Perry and Dudley nodded.

"This'll be _easy_!" Dudley bragged. "I can talk and duck-bill, beaver- tail creature can't; I got this in the bag!" Toadsworth looked at Perry.

_"Oh dear."_ He said. "I forgot, you can't talk, can you?" The platypus shook his head. "Then this'll be a huge problem."

"Does that mean Perry is disqualified and I win by default?" Dudley asked, excitedly.

"I'm afraid so, the first match goes to Dudley Puppy!" Dudley pumped his fist in the air.

_"Booya_!" He looked at Perry. "In your _face_, duck-bill, beaver-tail creature! _WHOOO, YEAH!"_ Perry looked sad.

"Wait a minute!" Monogram said, shoving everyone aside. Behind him was Carl with a notepad and a pencil. He and Monogram climbed on stage.

"Agent P, you can write on this." Monogram said. He moved aside so Carl could get through. Carl bent down to the platypus and offered him the notepad and pencil.

"Here, Agent P. Write your answer down on here, buzz the buzzer and show Toadsworth, okay?" Perry grabbed them and hugged his boss. Monogram hugged back. Everyone aww'd at the site, except Dudley and the Chief.

_"WHAT_?" Dudley said, shocked. "That's _cheating!_"

"Dudley's right!" The Chief agreed. "That's cheating!" Kitty glared at them.

"_Quiet!_" She told them. "No it's not!"

_"Fine_!" Dudley agreed. "But I'm still going to win." Perry gave him a look, 'are you sure?'

"Okay, glad that's settled and all that," Toadsworth went back to his place behind the podium, straightened his bowtie and picked up the first quiz card. "What's 2 + 2?"

_"Easy_, 4!" Dudley spouted confidently. Perry buzzed the buzzer and showed Toadsworth 4 fingers.

"Dudley, you have to buzz the buzzer so you don't get it. Perry does."

"_WHAT_? Perry didn't write it down through, he's supposed to write it down!"

"That's okay, as long as I get the answer out of him somehow, it's fine."

"Can I do it then?"

"Sure, but that was just a warm- up question anyway, old boy." He looked down at his cards then back at them. "First question, 1,000 + 1,000."

_"4_!" Dudley blurted out. Toadsworth looked at him.

"Dudley, you're supposed to buzz the buzzer _first,_ then speak, and besides that's wrong." Toadsworth looked at Perry when Perry buzzed his buzzer. "_Perry_?"

Perry showed him the notepad, he had written '2,000', really nice and big so the old toad could read it. Toadsworth looked at it, adjusting his glasses.

"That's correct! Perry gets the first point!" Perry's score moved up one on his podium. Dudley hit his fist on the table.

_"Darn it_!" He said. "I should've gotten that!"

"Yeah, you should've." Kitty agreed. "But don't worry, you'll get the next one."

"Next question," Toadsworth spoke. "What was the name of the American war between the southern states and the northern states?" Dudley buzzed his buzzer.

"The North and The South War." He answered.

"_Wrong!"_

_"WHAT?" _

Perry buzzed his buzzer and showed Toadsworth his answer 'The American Civil War'

_"Correct_!"

_"Come on!"_ Klaus moaned. "I'm not American and I could've told you _that!"_

Question after question went by. Perry got every question right. The score was, Perry: 29, Dudley 0.

"_Last question_," Toadsworth spoke. "What secret agent is codenamed 007?"

"What kind of question is that?" Dudley demanded to know. Perry wrote his answer, buzzed the buzzer and showed it to Toadsworth; "James Bond!"

"The platypus is right and with his score as 30 and Dudley 0, _Perry wins!"_

Everyone but Dudley's friends cheered. Dudley cried and whimpered. Kitty comforted him, beside her were Keswick and The Chief.

Perry won the next game, which was a Red Light-Green Light game where they were in their agent forms then had to quickly switch into a disguise. Dudley won in a round of Connect 4 and in another round zapped cardboard cutouts of cartoon agent villains just in the nick of time. Dudley and Perry were tied with 2 victories each.

The last event was a simple race outside on an obstacle course. Everybody moved outside and sat in lawn chairs to watch. They even moved the punch table outside. Hayley carried Klaus and placed him on the table once it was all set. She then hurried off to sit and watch the race with her family. The moat was filled with water. There were hurdles placed all around the castle grounds.

_"Now,"_ Toadsworth spoke. "There will be cardboard cutouts of villains popping out of nowhere in this. When they do, you zap them with your ray guns. There will also be invisible pitfalls. If you fall, don't expect a Lakitu to come and get you out, you must help yourself, you have to get out by using your grappling hooks."

_"Yes, yes_!" Dudley complained. "Can we get stared, old toad?"

_"Dudley!_" Kitty snapped. "_Shhhhh!"_

_"On your marks_," Toadsworth said. Perry and Dudley got into their racing positions. "_Get set_, _GO_!" Both mammals took off. Everyone cheered.

Perry and Dudley jumped over hurdle after hurdle. They zapped cardboard villains whenever they popped up. They were just around the corner of the castle, when all of a sudden, Perry fell through a hole. Everyone gasped, Dudley laughed as he ran on.

Perry tried to climb out, but it was no use, he just slipped back down. He then got an idea. He remembered what Toadsworth had said 'use your grappling hook.' The platypus took out his grappling hook and was about to aim it, when all of a sudden; a second grappling hook came down and swiped it up. The platypus looked up, it was Dudley! He held up Perry's grappling hook.

"Were you going to use this?" He asked. "Well now, you _can't!_" He ran off laughing. Everyone booed. Perry chattered madly.

The platypus got another idea. He then wall jumped out. When he was out, he smiled to himself. He knew that watching his owners play video games would eventually pay off. He resumed running after Dudley.

_"I'm going to win, I'm going to win_!" The agent dog bragged. Suddenly, just like Perry, he fell in a pitfall. He dropped the grappling hooks at the edge. He screamed as he fell down into the ground.

"Aaaaaaaaaaah!_ …Oh yeah_! I have my grappling hook!" He was about to grab it when he realized that it wasn't there. "At least I still have Perry's!" He went for the other pocket when he realized it wasn't there either.

"_What the_…" He looked up and gasped. There were the grappling hooks, teetering over the edge. He blew on them, trying to make them fall. They were about to fall, when all of a sudden Perry grabbed them.

_"Oh, come on!"_ The platypus put them aside, grabbed his, and put it away. He then looked down the hole at Dudley.

"Come _on _Perry!" The mutt begged. "Be the kind, forgiving platypus you are and, _HELP ME OUT OF HERE_!" Perry smiled mischievously, saluted, and dashed off. Dudley was surprised, so was everyone else.

_"Oh, come on!"_ The mutt tried to climb out, but failed each time.

Everyone booed Perry. Perry stopped in his tracks. He looked at his boss and Carl. Both had disapproval on their faces. He looked back at the hole, at the finish line, and sighed, feeling guilty. The semi-aquatic mammal then ran back towards the hole. He grabbed Dudley's grappling hook.

Dudley started digging. He then saw a grappling hook dangling in front of him. He looked up. Perry smiled and saluted him. Dudley smiled back and grabbed the grappling hook. Perry then pulled him out. Everyone cheered.

"Thanks Perry," Dudley said to him. "I knew the yearning to win wouldn't get to you." The platypus smiled at him again as he gave Dudley his grappling hook. Dudley grabbed it. "_Thanks_." He put it away, and then dashed off.

"Last one to the finish line is a rotten mushroom!" Perry looked at his boss and the intern who now smiled at him. Monogram gave him the thumbs up. He felt proud of himself, he'd much rather see his friends smiling at him and cheering instead of the other way around. He then ran after Dudley.

The two were just inches away from the finish line when all of sudden, a drill machine drilled a hole before the finish line. The two stopped in their tracks and grew wide eyed at whom they saw. Out of the hatch came the villains! Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Snaptrap waved at their respective nemeses.

"_Hello Perry the Platypus_!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz sneered at him.

"_Hi Dudley Puppy_!" Snaptrap greeted. The villains then all jumped out and ran off the track, scaring the others. Bullock, Stan's boss, grabbed a lawn chair from the side of the castle, some lemonade and went far away as possible from the action, not wanting to be a part of it. Monogram looked astonished and Carl hid behind his back. Roger backed away slowly heading towards the door.

"I think it's a good time for some wine." He said to no one. He grabbed the doorknob, but it felt weird. He tried again and again. Still, it didn't budge. "What the?" The door then started to change, only it wasn't the door, it was the Chameleon!

"_Boo!"_ He shouted. Roger jumped back and fell on his butt. The Chameleon laughed. "You were scared, weren't you?"

"I wasn't scared!" Roger shouted back. "You just startled me is all."

_ "Sure you weren't_!" The Chameleon laughed again.

"I wasn't!" He was about to heads towards the real door when The Chameleon chased him down. Roger screamed.

"I'm going to do some evil to please master." Norm said. He looked at Klaus in his bowl. "Starting with pushing this fish out of his bowl.' He went behind Klaus and pushed him off the table.

_""NIEN, NIEN, NIEN!"_ He yelled as he fell to the ground. He flopped for breath. _"Why…does…this…keep…happening….to….me?" _

_"I did evil!_" Norm cheered. "Now master will be pleased." Dr. D was shocked. He went to congratulate the robot.

_"Good job, Norm_!" He said. "I'm so proud of you! Maybe I'll have to give you a promotion." Norm beamed.

_"Aw_, it was nothing." He then looked at the doctor. _"Really?"_

_"Nope_!" Norm looked disappointed.

Klaus flopped into the moat. He sighed in relief when he landed in the nice, cool water. He then looked at Dr. D."

_"Hey Dr. Doofenshmirtz_!" The fish called to him. Dr. Doofenshmirtz looked at him. "Remember when you said ciao meant good bye in German in Boolia's parody of _The Lion King?"_

_"Uh, yeah_?"

"_Uh Klaus_," Roger told him, still being chased by The Chameleon. "I don't think now's the right time to correct him."

"_No_, it's the _perfect_ time just to make it clear to the readers and Dr. Doofenshmirtz." He looked at the doctor again. "It's _Auf wiedersehen_, you dummkoph!"

"I knew that!"

_"Really_? Well, why did you say it was ciao? That's _Italian_! You think you're such a genius, but a fish and a platypus are smarter then you_? My gosh,_ you are a dummkoph!" Dr. D looked like he might cry. He looked at Perry.

"_Perry the Platypus_!" He whined. "The fish is insulting me in German!" Perry rolled his eyes.

'Just let it go, Dr. D. He's an adult cartoon. And he's got a point; you are a dummkoph if a goldfish as well as a platypus can outsmart you.'

The penguins all waddled as fast as they could. Dr. Blowhole hovered in the sky.

"_Skipper!"_ He said. The penguins stopped. Skipper narrowed her eyes at his nemesis.

_"Blowhole!"_ The penguin said right back.

As the villains attacked the others, the mutt and the platypus looked at each other.

"You want to call a truce and save our friends?" Dudley asked Perry. Perry nodded.

"I thought you might agree." He and Perry shook hand/paw. They then looked towards the villains and their friends. "Okay. _Hi-gee-gee!" _He and Perry sprang into action.

Bird Brain ran after Steve and Hayley.

"I'll get you, you crazy kids!" He shouted after them.

"Oh _yeah?"_ Steve challenged, stopping and looking at him "What are going to do? _Fly?_" He laughed at his joke. "_Oh yeah,_ that's right; you _can't!_" This angered Bird Brain.

_"Steve,_" Hayley told him. "This is no time for insulting the giant blue bird, now come on and _KEEP RUNNING_!" The kids ran and ran.

"I may not be able to fly," Bird Brain started. "But I can still get you!"

_"Hey Bird Brain_!" Dudley shouted from behind him. The bird stopped and looked behind him.

"Leave these kids alone!"

"_Oh yeah_? And what if I don't?"

"Oh nothing, but _THIS_!" He ran up to the bird.

"_Oh poopie_." He just said.

Dudley kicked, punched and sent Bird Brain flying into a tree.

Hayley and Steve stopped and cheered when Steve realized something.

"You know," Steve told Hayley. "Technically we're not kids. I'm a teenager and you are a young adult."

"Yeah, I know." Hayley told her brother.

Stan and Francine were being chased by Zippy.

_"I'll catch you_!" Zippy threatened behind them. "My boss will surely award me with nectar." Zippy smacked her lips. "_MMMM,_ I _love_ nectar!"

"Stan, what are we going to _do_?" A worried Francine asked her husband. "That stupid hummingbird is after us!" Stan scratched his chin.

"I don't know." He admitted. He then stopped in his tracks when he realized something. He looked at Zippy, determined. Francine stopped and looked at him, wondering what he was doing.

_"Stan_?" She wanted to know. She went to him. "What on _earth _are you doing?" Stan laughed. Francine looked puzzled. "What's so funny?"

"Us Francine." Stan told her. "We have been running away from this tiny bird when the solution has been in my pocket the whole time."

"What do you mean?"

"I'll just pull out my gun and…" He felt his pocket. Nothing. He felt it all around, still nothing. He began to panic.

"_Where is it? Where is it?"_ The CIA agent asked frantically. "Where is my gun?"

_"Looking for this?"_ Zippy questioned out loud. Stan and Francine looked at the bird and gasped. There, now in Zippy's feet was the gun.

"Well I'll be son of a gun." Said Stan. "The hummingbird has it." He then looked angry. "Give it here you bird thief!" Zippy zipped away. "_Give it here!"_ Stan and Francine chased the bird who was laughing all the way.

Suddenly, Zippy was hit with Dudley's ray gun. The bird fell to the ground, dropping the gun.

Stan and Francine rushed up to the gun. Stan grabbed it and put it back in his back pocket. The two looked at Dudley who gave them the thumbs up. Stan and Francine both smiled. Stan saluted him.

The penguins battled Blowhole. They kicked, punched and slapped him with their flippers. But no matter what, they couldn't knock him off his scooter. Blowhole backed up above the moat. He laughed his laugh.

"Care to give up, _penguinnnnns?"_ He asked. "Cause you'll never win." Skipper growled in his throat.

"We'll never give up Blowhole!" The leader penguin shouted at him. "_Never!_"

_"Oh yeah?_ We'll see about that!" He was about to attack them with one final blow. The penguins shielded their eyes, assuming the end was near.

Perry suddenly tackled him. Blowhole screamed and fell off. He held on his scooter for dear life. The platypus came by his side, smiled, and pecked at the dolphin's flippers with his bill.

"_No, no, NOOOOOO!_" He fell off into the water and made a big splash. Klaus swam away, barely missing him.

"Thank you, Beaver Tail." Skipper told him.

"_Yeah_!" Private added. "Thanks a bunch, you really saved us!" Perry looked at the young penguin and smiled, feeling proud at what he accomplished.

The Chameleon suddenly picked up Klaus by the tail.

"_Hey!"_ Klaus cried out. "What do you think you're _doing_? Put me down at _once_!" Roger gasped as he saw The Chameleon, with the help of his tongue, climbed the tower, Klaus in hand.. Klaus screamed and covered his eyes with his fins. "_Why_? _Why_ does it have to end with a cheap reference to _King Kong?_"

"Surrender or the fish _gets_ it!" The Chameleon threatened, atop the tower, holding Klaus by the tail, dangling him over the edge. Roger looked mad and stepped up.

"_Hey_!" He challenged. "_No_ one hurts my fish physically or emotionally except me and the rest of my family! _Got it?_ So, just drop him and _back off_!"

_"Oops_, my hand slipped!" The Chameleon faked, dropping Klaus. "_My bad!"_ He laughed as a screaming Klaus fell to his doom, 80 feet below on the paved path below. Roger shielded his eyes.

"Why do I have to die as a fish?" The fish asked himself. "_Why?"_ He shielded his eyes. Suddenly, he stopped falling. He looked up. Perry had scaled the castle wall and saved him in the nick of time! Klaus sighed in relief and smiled. The platypus smiled back and put him back into the moat.

_"Danke schon, Perry."_ The fish thanked Perry. "You really saved my life." Perry smiled again. He then looked serous and dashed off. Roger went by Klaus.

The platypus stomped towards the castle with a look of determination.

_"No!"_ The Chameleon cried. "_No, no,_ please, _spare_ me!" The platypus jumped up the castle and kicked him in the chin. The Chameleon fell off the castle. He held on the edge for dear life. Perry pecked at his hands with his bill. The Chameleon tried to hold on, but it was no use. He fell off screaming.

_"NOOOOOO! CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS, CURSE YOU!" _He fell to the ground and fell unconscious. Klaus and Roger cheered as Perry landed back on the ground before them, feeling like a hero.

"_Bravo, Perry Das Schnabeltier_!" Klaus cheered. _"Bravo!" _

It was time for Dudley to face Snaptrap.

"Now, it's just you and me Snaptrap!" Dudley said as he faced the evil rat. "Prepare to be vanquished!" He took out his ray gun and aimed it at the rat. Snaptrap pretended to be scared.

"Oh no, a _ray gun_! I am _so_ scared, what if it shoots?"

"Oh, don't worry, it will." The mutt was about to pull the trigger, when Snaptrap shouted out.

"_Wait, _there's cookies at the punch bowl!" Dudley quickly put the gun away, turned towards the punch bowl on all fours and jumped excitedly.

"_Cookies? Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy_! They'll all mine!" He bounded towards the punch bowl. When he saw the empty cookie plate, he gasped.

"_Hey,_ there are no cookies here. You lied to me!" As soon as he turned, Snaptrap tackled Dudley. They tussled around, punching, kicking and biting at each other.

Suddenly, Snaptrap pinned Dudley to the ground. The other cartoons gasped.

"Any last words, Agent Puppy?" Snaptrap asked. Dudley struggled to get free, but couldn't get the enormous rat off of him.

"If only I could get him off of me so I can get my gun.' Dudley thought, panting with exhaustion. "_Man_, you're one big rat. I'm all pooped out. I need to have a breather. Can you get off of me?"

"_Sure!"_ The rat faked a smile. "And I'll take _that_!" Snaptrap snatched Dudley's gun away before he got off him.

Dudley scowled as he tried to get his breath back. Snaptrap turned to face the other cartoons.

_"Agent cartoons_," He began. "As of today, villains will rule the world and you will all bow down to me!"

Toadsworth then strayed in. He had just brought a sub sandwich. He sat down and looked disappointed. He raised his hand. Snaptrap called on him.

"_Yes?_" He asked, sounding annoyed.

"Before I bow down to you, can I eat my sub sandwich first? I just brought it and bowing takes up my energy." Snaptrap did a deep sigh.

_"Fine_, I suppose. But be snappy about it! I just can't _wait _to rule the world!"

_"Whoopee_!" Toadsworth cheered, taking it out of the bag. "Thank you ol' bean! You're a life-saver!" He took off the wrapper and bit into his mushroom on rye. Snaptrap rolled his eyes.

"_Yeah_, a _life-saver. _That's what I am. _Whatever."_

_ "Dude, " _Klaus said. "How can you think of food at a time like this?" Toadsworth looked at him.

"I just want to eat, _okay_? Hosting a party is hard work and I didn't get a chance to eat!"

"What have you been doing then?" Toadsworth just ignored him and continued eating.

"You went out and didn't even buy me a wine bottle at the liquor store?" Roger asked. Toadsworth looked at him.

"Sorry, I just took enough money for this sub sandwich. You want a bite?"

"No, you can have it. I don't want it." The alien crossed his arms over his chest looking displeased.

_"Suit yourself_." Toadsworth resumed eating. Dudley then saw the cheese sticking out and hatched an idea. He quickly ran to the old toad.

"Can I borrow this?" Before Toadsworth could answer, the mutt swiped it out of his hands and dashed off to Snaptrap. "_Thanks_!"

_"Hey!" _The toad shouted after him. He stood up and waved his fist at him. "That cost me 25 coins!" Dudley didn't listen.

_"Oh goodie_!" Snaptrap said. "You're done, now as I was saying…"

_"Hey Snaptrap!"_ Snaptrap looked at him.

_"What_?" he demanded. "Can't you see I'm making a world domination speech here?"

"Say_ cheese!"_

"_What?_" Dudley ripped off some of the cheese and put it in his pocket.

With that, Dudley hurled the sandwich at him like it was a football. It flew into his mouth.

_"Yes!"_ Dudley cheered. "_Jackpot!" _

The rat's face then swelled up like a red balloon due to his cheese allergy. He narrowed his eyes at Dudley.

_"I'll get you for this Agent Puppy!"_ He promised, his puffy face made his words hard to understand.

"_What_? I can't understand you! What did you say?" Snaptrap tried again, still hard to understand. "_What?_ You want me to kick you in the face? I don't know why you would say that, but_ okay!"_ Snaptrap gestured him to stop. "_Hi gee gee!"_ The dog kicked him in the face.

The rat went flying into the wall of the castle where all the other defeated villains were in a pile.

"_And now_," Dr. D said. "My turn!" He looked around. "Now, let's see," His gaze landed on the drilling machine. "_Perfect!_" The crazy doctor ran towards it and jumped into it. Perry ran towards him, but he closed the hatch before he got there. He heard the doctor laughing evilly from inside. He drove the machine. The platypus backed away, ducking as the machine drove over a gazebo on the grounds in an explosion of wood and lattice.

Unfortunately, Perry found himself cornered. The platypus tripped over a pebble and landed on his butt. He looked at the machine. The doctor laughed evilly.

"Now. Say your prayers Perry the Platypus!" The drill went towards Perry. The platypus sweated in fear. What was he going to do? The doctor kept up his evil laughter.

_"Good-bye, Perry the Platypus_!" The drill came closer and closer. Perry chattered in fear.

He looked around. When he saw the water filled moat, he got an idea. As the drill came down, the platypus quickly dived underneath the water.

_"What the?_ Perry the Platypus, where are you? Where did you go? _Perry the Platypus_?" He looked around, but couldn't see anything. "Ugh, I can't see anything from in here; I'm going to have to exit from this machine." He opened the machine hatch and jumped out. He leaned over the water.

_"Perry? Perry the Platypus_! I know you're out there! _Come out, come out wherever you are!"_

From further down the moat the semi-aquatic mammal jumped out, soaking wet. He shook the water off his fur. He then tiptoed slowly to the drilling machine.

He got into it, started it up, and drove towards the doctor.

"What's that sound?" The doctor wondered out loud. He looked behind him at the machine and screamed. He fell down on his butt. He shielded his face.

"Don't…don't hurt me whoever's operating this!" He then saw Perry in the window. _"Perry the Platypus_?" The platypus turned on the drill. The doctor screamed again and fell into the water. He flailed his hands in the water.

"_CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLAT…"_ But he couldn't finish his curse for he went under. Bubbles floated where he went under and popped one by one.

The doctor then finally managed to escape the moat. He was dripping wet! He heard the drill again as he cleaned out his hair. He screamed as he ran for his life. The other villains stood up.

_"RETREAT EVERYONE_!" he screamed. "A CRAZED PLATYUS IS OPERATING THE DRILLING MACHENE; _RETREAT!"_ He ran and ran out of sight. The other villains looked at the machine, drill still on. They all screamed and ran after Dr. Doofenscmirtz. Only Snaptrap stayed put, the swelling had subsided.

_"Babies_!" He scoffed. "Who needs them? I'm not afraid!"

_"Oh Snaptrap_!" Dudley called. Snaptrap turned to him.

_"Yes_?" The rat wanted to know. Dudley held up a piece of cheese that he took out of his pocket.

"I kept this for you! _Yummy, cheese_!"

_"No_!" Snaptrap said, frightened, stepping away. "Keep that _awful_ dairy product _away_ from me! _NOOOOOOO!_" He ran out of sight. The cartoons laughed and laughed. Dudley ate the cheese, happily.

"Oh, that's right!" Toadsworth explained, looking at Perry and Dudley. "You two need to finish your race, don't you? I'll get the cardboard cutouts working again." He was about to go when Dudley spoke up.

"That's okay," He said. Toadsworth stopped. "We don't need to see who's the best. We're all winners in our very own unique way." Dudley smiled at Perry. Perry smiled back.

_ "Aww_!" Private said. "I just love happy endings."

"Me too." Rico agreed.

"You are just giving up because you know human agents are the best." Stan broke in, breaking the happy moment. The animal agents all glared at him. "I mean, sure, you are good, but _obviously_ we humans are superior to animals."

_"Oh yeah_!" Skipper challenged. "And what is _that_ suppose to mean?"

"May I remind you that you were fleeing in terror from a _hummingbird_ earlier?" Kitty pointed out coolly.

"_Stan_," Francine warned. "Don't get into this."

"Yeah Dad." Hayley added. "This is stupid. Don't make them any madder. Let's just enjoy the rest of the party."

_"No_!" Stan told them. "Leader penguin needs to learn something." He looked at Skipper, who was still glaring at him. Perry and Dudley also looked slightly annoyed. Dudley growled.

"Humans are more intelligent." Stan continued, condescendingly. "We are more capable of doing things, more realistic, _and_ better looking," He straightened his jacket and tie unnecessarily, "And that is why humans make better agents than animals." He chuckled. "Animals might be "cute" on kid cartoons and movies, but we would always be number one."

_"Get him_!" Skipper commanded.

"Skipper, _no!"_ Private said, trying to stop him.

"Don't play this kiddie game." Kowalski added, but it was too late. Skipper, Perry, and Dudley all attacked Stan at once. Stan struggled but it was no use, the animals had him pinned down. Skipper was slapping Stan repeatedly in the face.

_"Oh no_!" Kitty moaned. "Not _this_ again."

"Well, sounds like we're going to be staying here a while." Roger concluded. "I'm going to get some wine from the cellar." He went to the entrance on the drawbridge, opened up the door and went inside.

Meanwhile, Dep. Dir. Bullock was laying in a lawn chair with his sunglasses on, enjoying his glass of lemonade.

"Sounds like this fight will get ugly pretty fast." He said to no one in particular. "Oh well, at least I was not a part in any of this. _Hakuna Matata!"_ He drank his lemonade in peace.


	3. Epologue

Epilogue

"Thanks for filling this zip-lock bag with the moat water," Francine told Toadsworth. The party was all over and everybody except the Smiths, Toadsworth and Klaus went home (Bullock couldn't wait for the end of the fight, so he took a private jet home). Stan had scratches all over his face.

"My pleasure." Toadsworth said. "I'm sure the princess won't mind." The toad bent down to the fish and talked to him like he was a dog or a baby.

"And how does the fish like it? _Huh_, how does the fish like it?" The fish took a gulp of water, swam to the top and spat water in his face.

"I'm _not_ a baby or dog!" He shouted. He then turned calmed again. "But Danke though." He swam back down. Toadsworth cleaned himself off.

"Well," Francine continued. "We'll be on our way once we get Roger." She opened the cellar door and gasped with the others.

There on the floor were tons of empty wine bottles and Roger, lying down on his back. He was drunk!

_"Roger_!" Francine screamed. "Did you drink _all_ of Toadsworth's wine?" Roger tried to stand up. "Oh hi family! How are you all doing? I had a _great_ time! This was wine _paradise!"_ He collapsed in a wine puddle and fell on his face. Francine turned to Toadsworth.

"I'm so sorry about all of this." She apologized.

"Oh don't be!" Toadsworth responded. "I can always get more." He looked back at Roger and looked concerned.

"Is he going to be _okay_?" He asked.

"Yeah, he's okay." Hayley assured him. "He just needs to go home, rest and in a few hours, he'll be sober again."

"Well okay," Toadsworth said, still uncertain. "I'm going to have to believe you." They said goodbye to Toadsworth and left for Stan's van.

When Stan took out his keys in front of his SUV, Roger swiped it away from him.

"Hay _what the? Roger!"_ Roger got in the car and put the keys in the ignition.

"_I'm driving_!" The alien told Stan. Stan got in next to him. The rest of the family sat in the back and buckled in. The family all gasped.

_"What?"_ Stan said. "You _can't_; you're too drunk. You're going to kill us all!" He narrowed his eyes and grabbed hold of the steering wheel. "Let me drive!" Roger pushed him back.

"No, _I'm_ going to drive."

"No you're not!"

"What are you _talking_ about? Of _course_ I am; I'm not _that_ drunk." Roger and Stan fought the steering wheel as the van drove. The family in the back, screamed.

"_STAN_!" Francine hollered as they drove into Toadsworth's car. The family looked at the now damaged car.

"_Oops_!" Roger said. "I guess I _am_ that drunk."

"_Nice going_ Roger." Hayley said sarcastically. "Look at what you done to Toadsworth's car."

"My _car_!" They heard Toadsworth cry, ice cream falling from his cone. "Look what you done to my car!" He then looked angry at them. '"I'll get you for this!"

_"Drive, drive, drive!"_ Steve screamed. Roger drove and hit a tree.

"I can do it." Roger said, drunkenly. He drove into the same tree. "I can do it!" He drove back and forth into Toadsworth's car, damaging it some more, and into the same tree. "I can do it."

"Oh for the love of..." Klaus said when they went back and fourth for the tenth time. He swam to the top of the bag. _"LET STAN DRIVE!"_

"No fish. I can do this." He again backed into Toadsworth's car, knocking it into the moat.

_"NOW_ ROGER!" Roger sighed "Fine fish, you get what you want." He and Stan switched places. They buckled their seatbelts. "_There, happy?"_ Klaus smiled in the bag.

_"_Satisfied."

And with that, Stan drove off with an angry Toadsworth chasing after them.


End file.
